6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
