I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize