I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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