I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
