I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
should my penis look like a turkey
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
