I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
