I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
