clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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