New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
