Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
