apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize