Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
