It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
