Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
