Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
