We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
