I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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