Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
