ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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