I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
