That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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