So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
