Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
