I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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