what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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