just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
