oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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