I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
