is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
