Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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