i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
