you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
