i need an iv and a liver transplant
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
