Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
my liver is dry heaving
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
