u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize