her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
