watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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