i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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