What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
