oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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