I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She swung at the pinata with crutches
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
