I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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