Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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