MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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