Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
