There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
