So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
