Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sarcasm needs its own font
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
