just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
