I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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