i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
