I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
