so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
