Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
