Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
