I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
