Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
