i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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