She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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