You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
