ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
