textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
