and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
