So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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