there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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