Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
