Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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