just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I forget how to act sober
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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