Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
