Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Quick, to the slutcave!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize