Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
