I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
