im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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