found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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