Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
