What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
