There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
