Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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