You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize