Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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