she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
