I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize