so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
