Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
