I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
