my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
