they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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