I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
