There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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