Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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