Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize