booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
