Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dignity is for republicans.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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