maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
