U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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