Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
