he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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