Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
