So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
