Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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