I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
