Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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