Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
