I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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