i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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