omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
