we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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