Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
