Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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