I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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