it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
