dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize