ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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